_♥A Bitter Sweet Life♥

Tuesday, October 26, 2010

It's so hard to keep something to yourself sometimes. Usually, I would pour out all my feelings in my Tumblr and I could not even care less who would be reading it cox it would be my only escape from reality. Now that I have given my Tumblr link to my closest friends, I would have 2nd thoughts writing inside it. So well, this is my second escape cox I'm sure that this blog would likely to be thought as dead and would not be checked at all.

Well, that isn't the main reason I'm writing here. Right now, many people around me are facing problems,especially the close ones, and all of them are moody. In my current situation now, I would wanna be moody and sad as well but that would not be good since there should always at least be someone that should lighten up the mood and I decided to be just that. This is because after watching The Secret, I would really wanna try my best to be someone that is positive and is smiling always. But I guess being just that is extremely hard for a pessimist like me.

Truthfully, I am down and there is so many things that causes this but I just can't seem to say it all out. Firstly is because I knew and I really do that no one could do anything about it. Even me myself. Everything seems to be going to ruins and all I could do is watch it fall as I try to heighten up my mood myself.

I hate myself for being like this. It made me feel weak and incapable of doing anything. The things that had really affected me was mostly my faults and I won't deny it but I feel helpless not being able to do at least something about it now. Actually, there is something I could do for every problem but i would either be unsure to do it or too egoistic to do so. Why is it so hard for me to solve my own problems? It was all my decisions that lead me to this 'ruins' but it was the same decision that I thought could make me happy. Why am I wrong in judging all of these? Due to this, I guess, many others near me would feel the pain as well and I truly would and had regret it. Surely I would try to run away from the problems sometimes and that was why I keep trying to make myself happy, but truth be told, I never could. In the back of my mind, I keep fretting of the consequences and the pain I had and will feel. It got me so scared sometimes and that's how I would get nasty headaches after thinking too much. Sheesh, I feel like I'm starting to sound petty and seriously, I don't want look pitiful.

I can't deny this but I do want attention but this is only because I want someone to JUST LISTEN to my rants. I don't need help, I don't need opinions, I just need a listening ear. I'm tired of only pouring out my feelings to the virtual world. But I really can't help it. My stupid conscious just won't let me tell this to anyone cos I don't wanna look petty, stupid, be judged or even be a burden to anyone. Besides, everyone got their own problems with them so I feel wronged to pour it to them. Now, I do feel petty so I think I shall stop writing this now. I did pour some of it out though, so this at least made me feel a tinge better. With this, I could get through another day of my life. I hope. Be strong, Me. Good vibes send in good luck. So the better you think of your life, the better your life would be. God, please grant me happiness and better life. 11:11, I would just wish for that. Aki, Hwaiting~!

Aki-chanz was alone 11:54 PM

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Tuesday, May 11, 2010

Must be wondering how my life is right now right? Well, let me tell you this first: I HATE the PEOPLE in MI. There are almost similar to the worst people I have ever met. Almost everyone here treat me like crap! They are so obviously belittling me. One instance, they leave me with almost evrything of group project works. Even if they contributed, it's crap work. What am I? A doll for u people to manipulate? Thanks ALOT! They don't even give a damn about the others. All they DO think about is themselves and their freaking social life.

It's like dog eat dog world all over again larh. Do things only for their own sake. Try to act like an adult when truthfully it's ALL childish. What's wrong with them? If you people don't wanna stay, might as well leave larh. Don't freaking screw up my life just becos of your crappy shit ure giving to me. Seriously, wat have I ever done to you people that u guys must pull me down with the mistakes u make? That's why I keep harping on that I HATE GROUP WORK. ALOT. Truly I do.

Already, I got a total zero for MT Project. That teacher had really FML to not even reconsider with our explanations. I did mostly for the project and don't u dare deny it. All my TIME and hardwork was wasted. I cried by myself to finish it and I had also cried myself to the point of numbness when I have gotten zero for it. Do you even care? No.. Oh sorry, I forgot, u people only care bout urselves ryte?

Now it's MY time to not care anymore. Do whatever you want in my life. Since for other projects, history keep repeating itself, why shud I care again nw? So, whatever, I really won't care anymore unless YOU people start to care. This is what you people want right? There you have it. Congrats.

Now I'm here, I truly understands what my sis meant by saying that they will never be true friends after secoundary school. You will be lucky if u even have one cox even they are like friends, they are more like "friend-enemies". So again I shall tell you this, I DON'T CARE ANYMORE. From now on, I will be my laser-mouthed and sarcastic self. Cynical to everything that will happen since problems do keep appearin one after another. When all of this is over, u can tell me which one of me better.

FYI, in 11 more days. 22nd May 2010, I will be participating in MI Angklung Kulintang Ensemble: In The Movies Concert. Selling tickets at $8 each. Text me if you want, other than that, don't bother. I don't really think anyone I know would come afterall. Even my family can't due to unforeseen circumstances. Oh well, God is just challenging me.

To close this all, I just wanna say that I'm feeling awfully miserable now. Too numb that one could turn heartless. Afterall, life has to go on for mine and God's gift sake. I should quote this one that I have found in the internet when I typed in "Life Quotes" and one of it says, "Nobody dies a virgin cause in the end LIFE F*CKS US ALL."

Aki-chanz was alone 10:49 PM

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Thursday, April 15, 2010

It's midnight and I still can't sleep. I feel so tired and pooped nowadays bt still, I'm restless. Topics to revise, books to read, projects to finish n cca to practice. Life had suddenly become packed for me that it's getting harder to manage the time n even myself. Can life get any easier than this?
Lately, my mood had been switching so fast from happy flying feeling to dive breaking fall. I just don't know what to make of my day anymore.. Haiz.. I do wish I know wat to do.. God, please help me..

Aki-chanz was alone 12:15 AM

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Wednesday, April 14, 2010

With another new year, with another new resolution. I shall update my blog often I realize. I have been keeping almost all of my heartest remorse deep inside me that I don't even knw what exactly I am miserable of now. So as of today, I shall keep updating this blog again. ^-^

Aki-chanz was alone 11:40 PM

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Wednesday, February 25, 2009

It was a long day today. I got the normal school lessons plus Amaths rite after it and also SS workshop rite after that. Since i didn't ate during recess, by the time i went home i was SUPER hungry! Well anyway, it was SUPER cold by the end of the day and i feel frozen. What can i do? Super Cold amaths lesson inside the library air-conned room, Super Cold SS workshop in air-conned CLC room and Super Cold temperature due to the heavy rain. I have really shivered the whole dae... Went back with the gurls and some guys after that at about 6pm. Late but was not scolded for it. ^-^

I was quiet stressed out and kept thinking bout the things that disturb and disrupt my mind so thats why i'm quiet. But...

Just when all hope is lost, the rain had suddenly stop and i look up into the sky. It was really beautiful. I was awestruck by it. I never saw rainbows that are so clear before but there up in the sky, i saw TWO clear and bright rainbows! It was in a full semi circle. I stop and took pictures of the wonderful scene. Can't post it up though, a pity, but i have waited and stare in the sky until the rainbows fadedand that is because it was already dawn. Until then, i realised only after a rain, there would be rainbow and for that i will keep on believing, there will be bright side after a journey thru a dark tunnel, and also with that i will try my best and stay strong with wht i will/am goin thru. The others too! Just remember this and stay strong.. LoLs!
Guez thats all... Whisking away...

Aki-chanz was alone 10:34 PM

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Saturday, February 21, 2009

I have just been separated from my phone, Aoi, yesterday 20/02/09 at about 0740am. Its been exactly one year i have been with him so it really saddens me to be apart from him... Condolences..

Well, you wanna know what really happen? Like usual, my father had sent me to school yesterday by taxi and i swore i tot i had put my hp inside of my beg.. or not.. I had accidentally left my phone at the front passenger seat of my father's taxi where i sat. Then soon, my father took a call from a passenger and therefore took him or should i say them, as there were three of them. Well, one of them sat in the front so this guy saw my phone and took it away. You know what made me mad? This SOAB claimed it was his when asked. Can't believe there is such people in this world. Can't they just say that it was not theirs and give back the property that is not rightfully theirs?? I know this guy must be rich cox if not, why would they alight at Changi Airport?? They either must be working there where the salaries are big or either they wanna fly off somewhere or bid their close ones goodbye.. So whateva the reason is, they must be rich. Rich people have LOTS of money. Why can't they just give back that phone to this poor me?? Inconsiderate Moneyminded Abhorred Cheating Brats. By now, i think they have probably sell off my phone. Well, one thing for sure i have reported this incident to the police. I have gave the police the phone number they had used to call in the taxi. You can never run away from the crime you have made, YOU CRIMINAL! One day you will go through way worse than what i am feeling right now, that is your retribution you need to pay!

Aki-chanz was alone 2:28 PM

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Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Finally get to blog after a long time that i din get to... Well, so far for the year, i can say that its not that good to me. Been thru many stresses recently and also been trying to cope just like the others who will cope with theirs. Let's start with the good ones first.

Good thing is that i get a high score of 22/25 for my chem and am very happy about it. It's my first time gettin that kind of marks for my chem since ages ago. And finally get to eat the peach tart and pizza that i have been yearning for. Really yummy and so proud that my weight is still the same after eating them, lol! I just had my amaths test today and i think its a better job done compared to the other days when my brain goes blank whenever it comes to amaths test. That makes me wonder about my phy test.. Still haven't get to know bout marks yet, really looking forward to know them.

One of the stresses is that i have been trying tons of time to call the childcare i wanted to interview and research with but i kept putting it down just when i started to type in the number cox i am very nervous and scared. Realli need help in here.
Another stress is that i think that there is alot of things to catch up with, like in all of my subjects. I am really back of time as i dun even remember a thing i have study in the last year . Still, there are many homeworks to do until i din have time to really revise on the impt topics.

I have been thinking about this since the day you have mentioned it. What you have said, have really stressed me out, frankly speaking. I guess you dun really know, dun you? When i'm quiet, doesn't mean i din care less. Its just that you dun even try to ask me how i feel. Do you know how i feel when you do that? I feel invisible. Not important. Like you dun even care. How could you just make a decision without asking me? Is my opinion really not that important to you?.. Just talk to the others and not tell me? Go ahead then.. You dun really need me, dun you? I am the one who makes your life difficult right? I know, if only i can do something to change everything you see in me..

Aki-chanz was alone 10:51 PM

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